I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
