i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He passed out mid-signature
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
