I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
