I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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