Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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