The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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