I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
All I want is dick and wine.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize