Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
