He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
