Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
