toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
