What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
