there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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