At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
