I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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