You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
