I'm going to rape someone's good day.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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