nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize