I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
