I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
