Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We named our party play list daddy issues
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
