so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She has the best kind of daddy issues
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
