he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize