I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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