I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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