i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
