I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
