i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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