Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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