3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
