i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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