I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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