worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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