Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
