my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
