so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
