I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize