Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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