The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize