I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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