exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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