We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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