I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
