I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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