She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
