the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
