i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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