oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I came so hard my ears popped.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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