Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I love having hate sex.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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