sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
