good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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