They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
