@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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