I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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