If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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