There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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