You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
