go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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