It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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