I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
