You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
