So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
