I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
