she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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