atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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