Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
